Bonnie and Clyde

Or is it Christopher… oh wait… It’s Charley. Yeah. Charley. That’s the ticket. Here in Florida, from July through early November, we become Weather Wonks. That is someone glued to the Weather Channel. Like you Northerners are not so happy with your big snow storms, we are not so big on our Hurricanes. In Florida, you live in Hurricane Country and you know, every year that either you or you neighbor is going to get smacked. I prefer it be my neighbor. Thank. You. Very. Much.

I was calling a friend today to ask some advice and her husband informed me she was at Publix doing her Hurricane shopping. Wha? We have a hurricane? She came home and said, “Why are you not watching the Weather Channel? This baby is movin’! It’s hitting the other coast and then doing some banana turn and coming our way. Friday.”

YEEEIIIAAII! Friday? That dumb asshole of a builder of mine still hasn’t delivered my frickin’ hurricane shutters, that I have been screaming for, for FOUR WEEKS! I hated him before, but hate is just not strong enough for the vast amount of revulsion I feel for him and his partner now. So I turn on the Weather Channel, being the good Weather Wonk that I am, and sure enough, we could get ‘a little bit’ of rain. Dammit. And if the weather REALLY works right, every member of my family, except my LA living bro,has get a good shot at getting spanked by a hurricane/tropical storm, within the next 5 days as there are two of those bad guys out there (hence the title).

My folks live in Pensacola. It's on the Gulf Coast, the handle part of the pan. (Not that I think my readers are stupid, but if you were to say you lived in Iowa, you’d have to give me an idea since I have no clue how that state is laid out. I’m just providing a frame of reference.) Come hurricane season, it’s like shootin’ fish in a bucket once one of those systems gets in the Gulf. Someone’s taking a beating… its just a wait and see to see who it is. As The Great Omnipotent One says, “You see ‘em come off of Africa and you have a pretty good idea it’s hittin’ the Eastern Seaboard. They form in the Caribbean, they’re comin’ after us.” Pensacola is always taking a hit. It can’t help it. It’s sitting right up on top of the Gulf Coast. Hurricanes just suck their way over there and BLAMMO, direct hit.

I don’t know about this Charley storm. I’m going out to buy my water and dried goods tomorrow. It’s not that I’m worried about Charley, per se, it’s more that I have over two months to go and I forgot to get all that stuff I buy every season. I’m overdo. And for those of you that live in Hurricane Country, if you ever forget to buy your batteries and they’re all out at your supermarket, go to Toys ‘R Us. Nobody thinks to go there to buy their batteries. Only us Moms.