Location: Palm Beach County, Florida, United States

Recently have been told I look like Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. I hadn't heard that in years, but that is a good place to start as to what I look like, although she had a better bod. I have three boys and have been married for 13 years. Born of a Navy family, in Hawaii, one Mom, one Dad, one sister and one brother. The eldest of three children. BS in Applied Mathematics. Consider Pensacola my home town although I moved every 2-3 years of my life growing up. Currently work in the aerospace industry in an engineering position while being a Mom. Of Celtic heritage and very proud of it.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Jeepers Creepers... Don't Touch My Peepers!

I’m starting to get little pieces of paper in the mail telling me it’s time for some yearly exams. One of them is freaking me out.

No, it’s not my yearly woman’s exam. After having given birth to three kids, stuff like that is small potatoes. Hell, with Son#3, there were so many damn people in the room come birthing time; they might as well have put up bleacher stands. (There were some ‘touch and go’ moments with that birth. So much for it gets easier every time.)

No, it’s not my yearly breast exam. That doesn’t faze me either. Mammograms don’t hurt; and the manual exam by my doctor doesn’t embarrass me. It’s all science. Get a grip. During the mammogram I usually spend my time talking to the technician about how the machine works. During my doctor’s visit, it just doesn’t faze me. I found a lump 6 years ago (talk about taking 10 years off your life) and when I went into his office (he fit me in the next day), I had no problems saying, “No, it’s right here” and firmly placing his hand directly upon the lump. Why bother giving directions? “At the center of the nipple, take a left… no not my left, your left… now go down 2.3 cm and take a diagonal….” Sorry. It’s a breast, not a road map.

The exam that is freaking me out is… my….yearly…. eye… exam. There. I said it. I said yearly didn’t I? Well, I haven’t gone in YEARS. I am scared half to death. I’m an eye phobe. A serious, the type doctors talk about behind closed doors, eye phobe. I can’t touch eyes, can’t have my eyes touched, can’t think about it, the whole thing makes me start to hyperventilate. You know that weird fetish you sometimes read about… this eyeball licking thing? Yeah,well, if I ever dated a guy that had one of those… immediate grounds for jettison. Nope. If any man tried to touch my eyeball, damn, with his tongue, immediate kick to the groin and I’d be outta there. Makes me want to vomit just thinking about it.

My biggest fear has been something happening to my kid’s eyes and my not being able to cope. I’ve done the broken arm thing with Son#2. I calmly got an ice pack and our insurance card, strapped him in his car seat, and told my husband to call me when he got to the ER. I’ve done the whole split the head open thing with Son#1. As a big gaping hole appeared on his forehead, and blood started to pour out, I saw white and thought to myself, calmly as he was screaming, “Well, damn, is that his brain or his skull?” Everyone else around me is wiggin’ out, and I’m looking for ice and trying to figure out what ER has the best pedo unit and really hoping it was his skull and not his brain I just saw. But eyes… they get sand in their eyes and I can hardly breathe. I’m a frickin’ whacked out mess.

I’m a whack job. I know it. I was at dinner with my in-laws many many years ago and we saw our Ophthalmologist. He made some mention to me about how I am a phobe. My father in law, says, “Yeah, I get squeamish about eyes too.” Our doctor says, “No. Not like this. She is ONE OF THE worst patients I have. She exhibits traits I typically see only in young men. It is bad.”

There you have it. I’m one of the worst. And you are saying, “Please, how bad could it be, Bou?” Bad. I tell ya, it’s bad. It is so bad I have NEVER had a glaucoma test. You can’t do a test on someone who is passed out in the chair. Yup. Flat out cold. Cold sweat, hyperventilated and then just passed out, from pure unadulterated fear. Thank God those chairs have you confined.

So it is time and I know I need a real eye exam. I’m going to be 40 in 1 year and 1 month. Eyes change. And when this was a problem at 25, 30, 34, he would say something like, ‘as you get older, we are going to have to do this’ and I know, that that time is coming and if I go now, closer to 40, this might just be the magic age.

I’m an eye phobe. I’m a freak.


Blogger Anathematized1 said...

Wow, I thought I was bad. I can't wear contacts because it takes me on average of 1-2 hours per eye to get them in. (Getting them out was worse - and I had to use a "plunger" which got stuck to my sclera once...That was the last time I wore my contacts as a matter of fact.) I don't like things in or near my eyes (water, visine, fingers), but if something has happened which makes me uncomfortable, I have never passed out. I just tend to get really anxious, squeamish, obsessive, and nauseated. Then my peepers close up tight and I cannot consciously coax them open no matter what.

10:27 PM  
Blogger Graumagus said...

I have no problems with eye tests, the only think I hate about the glaucoma test is the eye drops that dialate your pupils and give you super night vision... at noon. Ouch.
As for the kids, there's a good chance I could talk shop with your opthamologist, given theamount of things I've assimilated about my son's rare eye problems.

10:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bou - the newest equipment for glaucoma testing does not have to touch your eye. It gets close, but doesn't actually touch. Call your eye doctor and ask if they are using that type. I just had a glaucoma test in October and my doc had the latest equipment. I always hated that test because they had to touch the cornea, but this is MUCH better. Good Luck! I have to be checked for macular degeneration, my mom has it - but that's the one where they look around with the bright light and blind you... *sigh* So far so good. I'm taking my vitamins and keeping my fingers crossed.
-- Teresa

11:51 PM  
Blogger Tammi said...

I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I have a phobia very similar only it's with Dentists. They have to give me gas just to do an exam. If they come near my mouth with any of those instruments of torture, well I have to be knocked out. One dentist didn't believe me, until I hit him. Didn't mean to, but there you have it.

I've passed out in the dentist chair, get hives before I go in, the whole 9 yards, so I do understand.

Good luck. My eye doctor has that new equipment mentioned above, much better - I promise.

5:32 AM  
Blogger Contagion said...

I just hate the feeling of the eye tests. Especially the one where they shoot the puff of air at it. It just is uncomfortable. Now If I had to do that while standing on top of a ladder. Then we'd have an issue.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Harvey said...

The solution, I believe, was best stated by Matty O'Blackfive:

Drink heavily :-)

9:06 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

My 5 year old son has the same fear. At first I thought it was irrational, especially when water begins to trickle down and get just NEAR his eyes. The Pediatric Opthalmologist saw him and made some reccommendations as he wouldn't sit for the exam. I tried 3 times. Unfortunately, he had to be examined becuase he needed glasses.
What I finally did was take him to a friend who is a retired pediatric psychologist and hypnotist. After 4 hypnotherapy sessions he was able to get through the eye exam with no problems. I don't know if that would be something you would consider, but he also doesn't freak out at bath time anymore, so it was worth it for me. Good luck to you.

9:26 AM  
Blogger _Jon said...

Now, I don't wanna go off on a Rant here, but geeze.... :)

Nah, I understand. But I'm gonna brag a bit -
I was born with congenital ptosis - droopy eyelid. I've had *four* surgeries. Two while awake - only a Vicodin and eyedrops. Hence my current addiction to Vic, but that's a different story. Anyhow, he had to cut the eyelid to separate the eyelid muscle from the tendon, then attatch the tendon to the inside of the upper eye-lid, then re-attach the eyelid. All the while, I could *feel* him _snipping_, but I couldn't feel any pain. weird.

I've freaked you out now, haven't I?

But wait - THERE'S MORE!!!

I've worn contacts, and - wait for it ---- I've had RK surgery. The doctor freezes your eyeball, then he uses a scalpel to cut a "plus-sign" on your eyeball. Yep, four little cuts - per eye. What fun.

Has anyone passed out yet? :evil-dang evil-grin:

The great part was that _as he was making the cuts_, my vision got better. I could see the lights in the room above me getting sharper and more in-focus.

Oh wait - I can.

Yeah, baby, I can do that too! About a month ago I had a cavity filled - no novacaine. The dentist asked me;
"You want me to shoot you up?"
"Will it hurt?"
"Not much"
"Nah. Don't bother"
.... dentist working - it hurt like being stuck with a needle - repeatedly, btw ...
"Hey, while I'm here, I'm gonna replace this old filling next to it."

Funny thing is, after he was done, my face hurt from all the pulling on the mouth and such. (No smart-ass comments, Harvey.)

Anyone still awake? Anyone? Bueller? :)


6:08 PM  
Blogger Boudicca said...

_Jon! You jerk! You are a sadistic jerk! I'm telling! Harvey... take away his privileges... car keys, blogging or something!

Bleh. I don't think I made it through your whole thing. At one point I had to click to another e-mail. When I came back to it, I noticed I was squinting while I read it. I'm not sure I made it all the way through. (Shudder) Just, Yuck.

Can't do contacts. What happened to Anathametized, is what WOULD happen to me. No sense even trying it.

I have thought about doing the drug thing to get it done, but I have this issue with drugs, so that hypnosis thing sounds like it could work.

I am at the point now, however, that I can put eye drops in. That was major strides. And I had an allergic reaction to some chemicals in my house a few months ago during renovations and had to see my doctor. My eyes were a mess. They had to put some weird stuff in it and actually touch my eye. They had some assistant person lay on top of me, while they did it. And I was cool with it because I KNEW it had to be done and this whole thing is completely irrational and I can be very rational about it before it happens. It is while it happens I know I lose it. The glaucoma test though... hmmm... whole other story.

8:33 PM  
Blogger Harvey said...

Can't top that, _Jon.

Although I have had a couple fillings done without anasthetic when I was a kid. I just HATED that needle, and my dentist was a ham-fisted putz with that thing.

Looking back, I think I should've taken the needle.

Ok, one more.

Getting a wisdom tooth removed... with anasthetic... relaxing with my eyes closed (those dentist lights are annoyingly bright)... I heard the dentist say to his assistant and say "All that blood's not too much for you, is it?"

10:31 AM  
Blogger Graumagus said...

I still think having kinked wires yanked through holes drilled through my gums with no anesthesia (the damn nitrous did NOTHING) wins for the dental :)

10:59 AM  

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