Location: Palm Beach County, Florida, United States

Recently have been told I look like Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. I hadn't heard that in years, but that is a good place to start as to what I look like, although she had a better bod. I have three boys and have been married for 13 years. Born of a Navy family, in Hawaii, one Mom, one Dad, one sister and one brother. The eldest of three children. BS in Applied Mathematics. Consider Pensacola my home town although I moved every 2-3 years of my life growing up. Currently work in the aerospace industry in an engineering position while being a Mom. Of Celtic heritage and very proud of it.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

An Open Letter to the Starvation Sisters:

I am a Mom.  A woman who enjoys being physically active who dreams of more time to train, no sports injuries, a trim and fit body.  At my best, my body fat was 19%. I tend to hover around 22%.  The lowest I would go is 17% and if I ever felt that was too high, I would seek counseling because frankly, 17% is borderline too low. I do not want to be amenorrheic.  My resting heart rate is 55.  My bloodpressure is low and my cholesterol is 150.  Why does this matter?  It matters because a good body is about being fit, not about being skinny.

I saw you today on TV while I was working out and you are dying. Both of you.  I could not tell who had the eating disorder.  You have that distant look.  The old skin.  The thin hair.  You have the look of borderline starvation and allow me to tell you, it is not attractive.  If TV makes you look 10 lbs heavier, then I am even more scared, for you were emaciated on television with that additional 10 lbs.  Where have your parents been?  Your friends?  Your personal assistants?  Were they so caught up in the vast money operation of the Olsen Twins that nobody bothered to notice that you are dying?  Did nobody have the guts to say the Emperor has no clothes?  Or did they simply not care?

Let me tell you from a woman with a wealth of experience with men.  I have a brother, a father, my best friends have been men, I went to college with classes filled nearly exclusively with men, I worked with almost all men in portions of my career and even when it wasn’t all men, there were few women.  I dated so much, my sister lost count and it became a joke. I have slept with men, although not many, and have had a few serious relationships.  I love men.  So take it from me, sweeties, men do not like skinny emaciated women.  All my serious relationships were with good decent caring men.  And allow me to inform you, good smart men like smart healthy women.   You currently look damaged.  You are giving off an air that promises nothing but damaged men or men who get off on being with damaged women… and are not so nice.  Mean and shallow  men will prey on you. 

As my good friend from college, Valerie, a big brain engineering girl, likes to say, “Men like more cushion for the pushin’”.  Allow me to tell you some things I have NEVER once heard men utter:

“You know what I really like?  I like when I’m on top, really going at it, I love when her hip bones bruise me.”
“I love when I grab her ass, I get bone.”
“I love that she has concave tits  because she has no body fat.”
“I love gazing down on her naked body and seeing rib cage.”
“I love when I bend her into positions, she feels like she might snap.”
“Damn, is there anything better than going at it with a woman and wondering if I might break her?”

Nope.  They don’t say any of this.  As a matter of fact, take the opposite of every one of those and that is the reality.  We are women. We have body fat and that is what makes us sexy to men, the curve of our hips, the fullness of our breasts, the shapeliness of our thighs, and a nice round backside.  Without that, we look like children.  And that is icky.

So my unsolicited motherly, big sisterly, girlfriend to girlfriend advice to you is:
Get out of Hollywood.  You have made enough money.  Money should not be your God. Jettison any family or friend that tells you that you need to stay in.  No you don’t.  It is killing you. We are watching it. Sell your company, invest wisely, and leave it all.  Leave all you know, as scary at as it is, because what you know will see you to your grave.  Go to college in a place where real people send their real kids.  Go to the State schools in Montana, South Dakota, Wisconson.  Pick a state that is known for its good decent all American people; there are many, and go to school there.  Find a passion.  You have none. That is the vacancy we see in your face.  Major in education and make a difference in our children.  Become a doctor and work with our elderly.  Become an environmental scientist and save us from ourselves.  Stay away from the big name schools, the Ivy League, the places where the overly wealthy with a skewed view of reality send their children.  Become real for once in your lives. 

You are dying. Even those of us who shun TV and pop culture see it.  And you are not cured.  There is no cure for your disease.  It is a disease of the body and the mind, like alcoholism and you’ve not beaten it.  And mark my words… you both have it.  Only one of you has fessed up.

And save yourself for each other, because in this big lonely scary world, you only have each other.  And I have heard, it is extraordinarily hellish being a twin… without a twin.  –D.


Blogger Tammi said...


That was beautifully put.

This is something these girls will fight their entire lives. It never goes away, and the damage done will last a life time.

I know.

Thanks Bou - for telling it like it is.

6:11 AM  
Blogger Contagion said...

“Damn, is there anything better than going at it with a woman and wondering if I might break her?”

Umm, actually I think that all the time, through out my life. Then again, i do have a sadistic streak that my wife isn't overly fond of... not that you all wanted to know that.

7:20 AM  
Blogger Boudicca said...

Ya knoooowww, as soon as I posted and reread the last one, I KNEW I had opened myself up! I was just wondering who would pick at it first... leave it to you, Contagion. LOL!

On a serious note, Tammi, it is a terrible disease to watch people fight. There is permanent damage that is done. I am close to people who see this disease more than they would like and they will tell you, it is scary the damage it will do.

7:37 AM  
Blogger Sally said...

It's terrible, but it cuts both ways. When I returned to work shortly after giving birth, it was all I could do to keep weight on. I'd eat last thing at night, and slather everything with butter, but I was so active, coping with my job, and a sleepless baby, it didn't help. One colleague looked at me with distaste and said "If you were my daughter, I'd worry about you". To which I replied "When she's my age, you won't be around". I know...But she must have weighed 280 pounds. If she was happy with that, fine, but if I want personal remarks, I'll call my mother.

Tammi. I know what you mean. When I taught a class of nine year olds, there was one girl who was practically skeletal. And guess what? She was the most popular girl in the school. And one of the weakest physically. As the mother of a girl, I'm constantly careful to point out that food should make you "strong", not too fat or too thin.

Another great post, Bou! I must get around to posting something, but what with all the action here, at Tammi's, plus all the partying and the Love-Fest at Alex's, there hasn't been the time!

8:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent post! It took me a few minutes to figure out who you were talking about because I don't follow celeb news at all - LOL. But it finally penetrated my brain.

It looks as if these girls are set in their cycle of self destruction. I don't know that they'll ever be able to break free from it. That's so very sad, but not unexpected. Hollywood seems to do that to almost everyone it comes in contact with. The younger the person, the worse the effect.

I guess that's why I've pretty much stopped watching television. The human process of entertainment, always seems to end up with destroyed lives. Not so entertaining after all...

5:39 PM  

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