Sunday Brunch With the Boys
After the kids got back from church with their father, we all went to brunch. I don’t do church. He’s cool with it. He’s a good Catholic man and when we married I promised I would do what I could to assist with their Catholic upbringing but 1) I would not convert and 2) I would not go to Mass. I have been known to go for special occasions, but that is a rarity and I absolutely never go at Easter or Christmas because I strongly feel that I should not take up good space in a church when I never attend, only to have someone who faithfully worships scrambling to find a seat on the holiest of days.
Off we go to brunch and of course Son#3 has to go to the bathroom twice. I don’t really mind, but it is kind of a pain in the neck. Just as long as he doesn’t announce what he needs to do in public, I’m cool. I hate it when he yells, “Hey Mom! I gotta poop!” and runs from the table with me quickly following. I find that embarrassing with other diners. Maybe it’s just me. He’s getting tired of going into the women’s restrooms with me and so on our second trip he said, “Mom, wouldn’t it be cool if there were no men’s rooms or women’s rooms, we could just all go to bathroom in the same place?” I know there are family restrooms, but those really aren’t that popular. Anyway, for some reason it made me laugh and I didn’t answer because, No, I don’t think it would be so cool.
Last night Son#1 was with a friend who has an older brother and Son#1 was introduced to the wonderful music of Weird Al Yankovich. Oh Joy. So all day he has been singing these songs and asking me to buy him this CD. (He has to earn it. I’m not buying that tripe.) So at brunch I hear from Son#1, “Is constipation a bad word?” YEeeeaiii! I said, “Nope. We’ll discuss it later.” The place has many diners and I am getting more and more rigid about appropriate dinner conversation. And my family eats a ton of fresh fruit, veggies and fiber so my boys have NEVER heard this word. Son#2 chimes in louder than I like, “Mom! What does constipation mean? Huh?” I am now giving him the evil eye and saying quietly but firmly, “We will discuss this later!” Do you think he would stop? No, of course not. Why would he listen? They never listen. I talk to walls all damn day! Finally I have made my point, my husband has muttered something to him and he is quiet.
I think there must be some genetic coding in my boys on how to embarrass their mother. It appears to be completely effortless.
posted by Bou | 9:17 PM
5 Comments:
It should REALLY come as no surprise to you that at one of your blogfathers, and most of his friends consider Weird Al to be a god among men.
That being said, at least he isn't listening to Eddie Murphey (or whoever is offensive these days) like me and Jay did growing up.
So, Little Joe, you are basically telling me that Weird Al is like The Three Stooges and the Pull My Finger jokes... something that sticks around forever. I need to get them their own personal CD player for Christmas so I don't have to actually listen to it then! I can hardly handle the GameBoy music anymore.
Unfortunately for you, it seems embarrassing mothers is what boys do best!
Best brunch story in our family. We still laugh about it, and that was 20 yrs. ago! We were at a fairly fancy restaurant. Our group was pretty large, so we were already drawing a bit of attention. But the best part was when my cousin, who was 4, leans over the table and starts to say, "Hey, Mommy." As he leaned his belly hit the edge of the table and he let out this tremendous belch! So it sounded like, "Hey, Mo ...WAAAAAMMMMYYYYY!!!" We tried not to laugh as my poor aunt tried to hide under the table, but it didn't work. We left there in tears! Ya, good times. :)
I think I have to step in here and defend Weird Al's honor. Although he mostly writes nothing but silly parodies, he does them well, usually paying close attention to the meter & rhyme of the original song when composing his version.
And I've also noticed that Al is a fair shake in his musicianship.
He's lowbrow, but he's quality lowbrow.
That, and he annoys mom :-)
I am not allowed into churches for a whole variety of reasons. None of this catholicism for me either, again due to my distaste for organised religion (control of the masses through promising something you cannot prove? Sounds like voting Democrat) and particularly for catholicism due to historical and recent events (take YOUR child into a confessional booth? Mmmmmm, no). However Sally is catholic by upbringing and so if she wants our daughter to be bought up like that then that is fine by me.
As for children embarassing you, sheesh. You're telling me you never did that? I am sure you did and much worse too. There are all kinds of things that the Gollum does now - I actually quake in fear if Sally suggests taking her to a resteraunt for example, or the cinema, or a shop, or to her grandparents, to name but a few of the many places we take her. Seriously we expected to be banned from this one place because her behaviour was so atrocious that the place went silent and they all looked over. I have no problem with this (I am the man who will ask you what you are staring at in that instance) but I do sympathise - people, when your children are embarassing you, tend to feel either sorry for you or look at you like you are doing something wrong.
Children LOVE doing that kind of things in front of their friends to prove a kind of 'control'. I say send them all to boarding school, preferably in Switzerland, until they are either a) 16 or b) so utterly sorry that they will do as you want them too. Or something like that. Alternatively do the 'Hip Mom' thing in front of their friends and watch them turn an interesting shade of beetroot and squirm like a fresh spider has been dropped in their pants.
Alex (battling the Gollum right now)
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