A Crack in the Ivory Tower

Good things come to those who wait. Seems like “Mitch’s”, my jerkface neighbor, girlfriend, the one I refer to as the whore, is moving out. Ohh, too bad, sooo sad, get lost. It is time for me to tell you the story of “The Whore Next Door.”

We are doing major construction upon our home. We’ve added some extra bedrooms and a family room. Since my one son can be mildly asthmatic, we decided against wall to wall carpet and although I think tile is very pretty, we have a lot in the house, I think it can be too cold, so we opted for wood in the addition.

The day came for the wood to be delivered. We have a construction access on one side of our home. It’s the side that’s been beat to hell and has 2 foot ruts because it’s been driven on by bulldozers, trucks, and anything else you can think of for the past NINE months. The other side runs alongside Mitch and the Whore. The gentleman delivering the wood, drove on their side. In so doing, he drove up on their driveway and cut across approximately 5 feet onto my yard then drove to the back of my house. In retrospect, I think he thought it was the shortest distance, and it was.

A couple things you need to know. It was not a big tractor trailer truck. It was a smallish truck, about the size of a freezer truck. We have not had rain in months. We are a tinderbox here. Although we are known to be swampland, all of our homes are built on 4-5 foot elevations of fill, across the entire yard, in my neighborhood. If you get a good aerial view of some of our more rural areas, you’ll notice that there is a big pond in the back of everyone’s home. That pond is where all the ‘fill’ was dug out to put their houses ‘up’. The remaining holes are filled with water, fish, ducks, and gators. In my neighborhood, all the fill was trucked in and we have paved roads. I am saying all of this so you know… it was impossible for this truck to leave ruts.

I get home to find said gentleman in my back yard, behind his truck, on his cell phone, talking to his boss. He sees me and tells me that my neighbor is a psycho (that’s why he’s talking to his boss). I realize he has driven across her yard. I explain to him that he came in the wrong way and has now created an impossible task for maneuvering and that he needed to come back around to the construction site. Sooooo, he drives back across her yard, to get to the road, to go back around.

I am now in my house. Doors closed. I hear, no joke, an enormous yelling, screaming, ranting and raving, “YOU F****ER!!!! GET OFF MY GD LAWN!!!!” Hmm. Now I personally have heard everything and said everything; however, I have never, in my life, stood outside on my lawn and screamed at the top of my lungs, cursing like a sailor. I’ve not even contemplated. Let’s face it… that stuff is reserved for your doors closed directed at your family! (Just kidding!!!) Seriously, though, I was appalled. It was probably one of the most classless things I have ever witnessed.

He comes back around and says, “See! I told you! She is psycho!” God only knows what she said first go round. The doorbell rings and there she stands, on my porch, phone in hand, telling me she’s going to call the police. We live in Palm Beach County. There are carjackings, muggings, and drug busts happening every minute. I-95 is THE drug corridor of the nation. And she is going to call the cops, because some guy drove on her lawn. I let her rant and rave about it, then politely told her I thought she should call his boss instead. I figured the guys’ boss was a better bet than the police and maybe he could help calm her down. (I called the guy’s boss to forewarn him. He was an awesome guy.) Sometimes, people just need to vent. This is where the whole ‘Standing on my porch crying about her dead puppy’ comes into play.

The next day I received a call from our Property Owner’s Association saying she had filed a formal complaint against us. We have a reputation of being good neighbors so the Management company was very nice. It was just a formality.

And as of today… she is moving out. She saw my better half today and told him she couldn’t handle living with “Mitch” anymore and was moving on. She said he was “all our problem now”. My better half, always seeing the good in women, seems to think she is probably a nice person, but that “Mitch” drove her into a psycho frenzy. I don’t believe it for a minute. Good riddance to her. One down, one to go.

So what did I learn from all of this? Well, I suspect that “Mitch” has a small dick and is trying to overcompensate in all the wrong ways, but I don’t know that for sure. Hmm. Not nice.

OK, what I really did learn is that growing up as a kid, I would see some really screwed up kids and wonder how in the hell they became such a mess. Now I’m witnessing it. He’s not a good father, he picks whacked out women to shack up with and God only knows what kind of damage these women do. I’m seeing now why kids go bad. Some people should not breed.