A Fall From the Ivory Tower

I will not be as nice or as damn funny as my Blog Sister Sally of Whimsy Capricious. Well, at least not as nice as her opening line! If you have not read Sally’s entry concerning her brother in law, “Now I wouldn’t say we HATE my brother in law exactly…” it completely cracks me up. Maybe it also helps that I know she is British and so there is the amazing politeness combined with humor that I find both endearing and hysterical. Check it out if you can.

That said. I hate my neighbors on the left side. Arrogant. Egotistical. Self-Righteous. I’m trying to be nice. On a side note, there have been many things done and said as of late, with regard to my neighbors, which is leading me to this vent. Also let me note that I am an incredibly polite and gracious neighbor. You WANT people like me and my husband living next to you. With that, I will continue with: I cannot stand him so much, including the whore who lives with him, that when their yappy little POS punt puppy dog ate that horrible nasty big ass toad and died 20 minutes later, I felt completely miserable… for the dog. I love dogs. And animals should never have to suffer. I did not feel sorry for the owners. At all. Not one bit of remorse, as she stood crying on my doorstep telling me how she held her puppy while it died. Inside I was thinking, “Oh My Lord, I hope that dog didn’t suffer” and simultaneously thinking, “Get the f---- off my porch, b----.” All while being very pleasant, nodding my head in disbelief and muttering, “Oh, that is simply awful” in my best funereal tones, that I have come to master.

I’ve been mulling over who he reminds me of since we spoke with him this morning. I’m going to stereotype here, so my apologies if I offend with my sweeping generalization, but he reminds me of a high school baseball player. Now I don’t know what it was like where you grew up and went to school, but my school was big into athletics. I personally think this is typical of Southern High Schools. When I was in HS, the goal was to be such an awesome football player that maybe, just maybe, you could go play for The Bear at ‘Bama and if you were into baseball, get picked up to the Pros, which many of our baseball players did. I got along with the football players pretty well. Most of them wanted to hang with me so they could pass Math or Chemistry and I found them endearing, as they were almost always very thankful. The baseball players, hell, they didn’t need my help or anyone else’s because they were ‘God’s Gift’! Arrogant beyond all comprehension. Walking tall. Strutting. Always with some blonde cheerleader bombshell on their arm or maybe a harem following 3 feet behind. I found them to be repulsive. Still do. I have a difficult time with the inequities in life, we pay men millions to hit a small ball with a big stick, while they scratch their crotches and chew tobacco. Meanwhile, some of the most brilliant people I’ve ever met get paid 70K a year to invent and perfect things that will have serious life altering impact upon the Average Joe. Whatever. My issue.

So this is who “Mitch” reminds me of. That arrogant jerkface self-righteous baseball player in High School and unfortunately, he has a ton of money and seems to think he can take whatever he wants. It’s tough to be him. Divorced with two daughters, his kids live with his ex so he sees them on a weekend or two (suits him fine), big house, big money, blonde bimbo he sleeps with but isn’t committed to, and a baseball batting cage in his backyard. I am secretly hoping that life will eventually show him what a long fall it can be from that Ivory Tower.