Not for the Faint Hearted

Well, I have to post this. I just feel compelled. Call it an impulse problem. It started really with blog daughter VW posting THIS on male lactation. Then Blog Father Grau posted THIS on the fact he thinks he is an A cup, rather than a B cup, and it’s a funny post, but then it went into the reason he thought he was an A is because he can’t lick his nipples (in the comment section). Then I commented I’m a B cup and know I can’t, so he could still be a B cup and then Ktreva pointed out she was horrified he knew he couldn’t lick his nipples and on it went from there, like HERE… which led me to post, “Why I know I cannot lick my nipples.”

And I know, right now, it is a given that my sister is reading this and saying, “NO! She IS NOT posting this! It cannot be. Has she no shame?!” And my Mom is reading this and thinking “Gasp!” and TGOO is probably kind of clueless and two girlfriends, DK and PFB that are reading this are probably shaking their heads.., actually DK is laughing and PFB is gasping and laughing with my Mom.

Things like this are why I gotta stay anonymous.

My youngest was 9 months old. I was in a craft shop with him wearing my typical attire, jeans, t-shirt, and sandals, hair probably up in a pony tail and ball cap. I remember what t-shirt I was wearing… a green khaki Marine Corps color t-shirt. Solid. Why do I remember this? Because I was so horrified by the events that occurred next that I will never forget the color of my t-shirt.

So I’m walking through the store, baby on hip and he decides he is hungry. I keep stalling him, but he is impatient. Now keep in mind, he is my 3rd child and I nursed all three of them… so my body has been stretched from here to Kingdom Come. I’m trying to distract him, kissing his neck while I look for that one item, talking to him absent mindedly as I really focus on what I’m looking for when I feel… a hand… go down… my shirt. I look down and before I can stop, that little chubby hand is down my t-shirt (a regular round necked t-shirt, mind you) and has made it under my bra directly to my left breast. The next thing I know… he has pulled my left nipple out my bra and up through the neck of my t-shirt. To my complete and utter horror, I am now standing in an aisle of a craft store, looking at the top of my left nipple poking out from the top of my t-shirt, being grasped by two little chubby baby fingers. I cannot believe how far he could stretch it, but being only a B cup (thank God) he was only able to get it to the top of my t-shirt, as I see his mouth making its way down to greet it.

Needless to say, I immediately put everything back to where it belonged and made a quick exit, to great wails of my 9 month old who felt totally cheated out of a quick snack, and the entire way I fervently prayed they did not have in store cameras. Ack.

So that is how I know my B cups cannot be licked by me. I saw how close they can come and they don’t come close enough.

Now, I don’t want to know why Grau knows his A cups won’t… but it cracks me up that he posted on it. And Grau… I think there is officially NO NEED for me to sign up for an interview at Jen’s. I think my readers probably now know MORE about me than they wanted...