Damage is Done... I'm Certain
Blog Daughter VW was talking about the kind of music she listens to and what kind of influence it will have on her kids. The jury is out on that one for me.
I listen to Alternative and 80s. I love Peter Gabriel, James Taylor, The Cars, INXS, The Police (and some 60s stuff like Simon and Garfunkel) and the list goes on with my alternative music both old and new (U2, The Smiths)... and a lot of it Angry Chick Music. Not that I'm really THAT angry, but I relate to a lot they sing about and it makes for good running music. I can get a lot further with something fast banging in my ears. I try to curb the Angry Chick Music with them in the car, however. For some reason, I feel like it will damage them. Who knows.
Anyway, the local alternative station is here is called The Buzz. If you have ever listened to an altnerative station... they can be very risque and the language can be foul. It's not mainstream. I've been listening to it since it started, probably about 9 or 10 years ago. So I'm in this Mommy and Me class called Gymoboree. All these Moms take their babies and the babies have a lot of tactile stimulation as well as visual as everything is colorful. There are steps and slides and barrels and a big colorful parachute. It really is a lot of fun.
The class opened every session with all the Moms (and some Dads) sitting in a circle, babies in laps and there would be a topic everyone would share their thoughts on. One day, the topic was music. Here are all these sweet Moms, who probably have never cussed a day in their damn lives, sitting there with their little sweet babies, and one by one, they went around the circle saying what type of music they listened to for their babies.
I was at the end. And I was stunned. Every frickin' Mom is saying, "Oh, I listen only to lullabies" or "I got this excellent baby soundtrack to such and such" or "The latest Sesame Street Elmo CD is awesome". I was sitting there thinking, "You have GOT to be frickin' KIDDING me. You changed your music in YOUR frickin' car FOR your baby?" I wanted to shake them and scream, "NOOO!!!! If you're changing this now, what in the hell are you going to change for them later?!"
Now before I make myself sound like a complete bitch, which... we kinda know already that I am one...I did have some child music in my car... eventually. My kids did like certain stuff and I would get some of it they could SING along with. Catch that. SING ALONG. It was not a case of "Ho Hum... I'm driving in my car... I think I'll turn on this sweet music for my sweet perfect baby". Bah. No way.
So it comes to me. And I'm kind of horrified. Then I thought, "I bet all those women lied. I bet I'm NOT the only Mom who listens to something other than sweet baby music. Peer Pressure. That's what it is!" So I said, 'Oh. I listen to The Buzz."
Silence. Complete Silence and Stares. I was wrong. All those Moms really DID listen to that crap.
The teacher looks at me and says, "Oh. The Buzz?" and I replied, "Yeah. That's what I like to listen to."
And from there, it was dropped, and we went directly on to playtime. Needless to say, I was never really the Mom everyone gravitated towards to get to know and have play dates with.
posted by Bou | 7:56 PM
7 Comments:
No playdates with THOSE moms...lucky you!
What I listen to in the car depends solely on my mood. I could listen to something hard one day and then turn around and listen to the "lite station" the next. I do not own one single "happy sing along with your kids" CD's, nor would I ever. As much as I love my kids I'm not going to let them dictate (or the playdate mommies for that matter) what is right and wrong. That is my job as a parent! Hey, at least you were HONEST!
BUT you will be the Mom their kids will gravitate towards with your own kids. You'll be THE COOL MOM!
Rock on!
Play what you want on the radio, don't worry about those other fools.
They're probably the same kid-spoiling parents as some of our reporters, who sentence their families to spend the next 15 years of vacations at Disney World seeing fake animals, instead of national parks, seeing real ones.
Besides, as you've noted elsewhere, your kids will eventually find some other kind of music to drive YOU nuts anyway, no matter what you play in the car!
--- George
My husband and I review all music before we expose it to our girls. But not for the same reason as the Gymboree mothers. We review it for tolorance. Can we listen to this over and over? Do WE like it? If not, out it goes. There are several kids music cd's out there that are tolerable.
I am not going to suffer in that aspect for my kids. I do plenty for them already!!!
Oh my, does that make me a bad mother?
Yes, these are the same parents that adhere to "child centered" parenting. I find that whole idea just ass backward. You are not given your child to "please" them you are given that child to "guide and teach" them what it best for them. It is not for them to choose - children seldom make wise choices.
I have 6 1/2 year-old triplets and from the day they first came home they have listened to music at bed and nap times. The first music I ever had them listen to was Enya (new age). It's very soothing and still to this day is their favorite for bedtime. At naptimes I would alternate childrens favorites because they liked these songs from their videos and such. However, I never "shielded" them from other good music. In the car - the grown-ups are the drivers and the driver gets to pick the music. Pop, jazz, classical, blues, rock, a little progressive country, Christmas and inspirational and yes, even my angry girl music (my husband calls it depressing, minor-key, chick shit). They have their favorites and ask to "turn it up, Mommy". They've grown to have a well rounded sense of music and don't favor one genre over the other. They just love music of all types and have their own CD's that they listen to - regular and kid tunes.
Those that actually listen to only kid music in the car always strike me as being a bit dim (sorry, guys). I would lose my mind having to listen to Fruit Salad, Yummie, Yummie in Houston traffic (not that I don't really love the Wiggles, mind you). So there's probably half the people in your class that fall into that category and the other half were flat out lying and didn't want to admit it when you called them on it.
In the long run, kids will benefit a lot more from a complicated Peter Gabrial melody than from Captain Feathersword.
Take heart! Check this post out: http://www.crumbtrail.org/mt/archives/000939.html. It refers only to music of other cultures, but does so by saying that Western music is simpler than other cultures. In turn, I would think that even simpler kiddie music would be even worse for the kids, especially that synthesized stuff where you can't even talk to your kid about what instrument you're hearing.
Stick to your guns on this :D
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