Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

I have this list of topics I know I’ll eventually blog on and Grau’s blog on his dog reminded me of this one.

My kids are deathly afraid of dogs. I find this to be exceedingly unfortunate because I LOVE dogs. Medium size and big dogs. Not the little punt puppy yappy kind. Sorry if you love those, but I’ve been emotionally scarred by one of those and can’t deal.

My bro in law and sis in law have two awful nasty dogs. Well, actually, the Norwegian Elkhound is a super dog, but has picked up some bad habits from its older ‘brother’ a yappy genetic mutant 20 lb Yorkie. Damn I hate that dog. It snips and snarls and yaps and is just mean and has been since the minute they brought that daggum thing home. So the Elkhound, a dog that is basically a big teddy bear, has learned these bad barking habits from this yappy little POS. But when an Elkhound barks, it is a bellow! Big and loud! And scary. Especially if you’re 7.

Because of these two dogs, my kids are scared to death of all dogs. So to rectify this, I have decided we are going to get a dog. A big one. A lab. About 3 years old. To satisfy my needs, it cannot be a puppy. I love babies, just not to live with. I’m over the baby “insert any mammal name here” stage. After three kids, I will love on other people’s babies, play with their puppies, smooch on their kittens, but then… they have to go home. So I have to have an older dog.

My kids are aware of the fact we are getting a dog eventually and are a bit nervous. I took them to an acquaintance’s house the other day and she has both a yellow and black lab, both over the age of 3. Beautiful dogs. Very sweet. The yellow lab is very friendly, but his big waggy tail, slurpy tongue, and wet nose, still scares Son #2. However, the black lab is blind, so he just stands there.

On our way out, Son#2 said to me, “Ok Mom, we can have a dog, but can we have a blind one?” Our new specs for our dog now are: Lab, 3 years old, loves kids, and blind. Go figure.