Location: Palm Beach County, Florida, United States

Recently have been told I look like Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. I hadn't heard that in years, but that is a good place to start as to what I look like, although she had a better bod. I have three boys and have been married for 13 years. Born of a Navy family, in Hawaii, one Mom, one Dad, one sister and one brother. The eldest of three children. BS in Applied Mathematics. Consider Pensacola my home town although I moved every 2-3 years of my life growing up. Currently work in the aerospace industry in an engineering position while being a Mom. Of Celtic heritage and very proud of it.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

A Tree By Any Other Name is a POS

Today was the day picked by my Better Half to move trees. Move them as in… upright them. Those that didn’t fall during our two hurricanes, have a distinctive list to them now.

After Frances hit, we had a few trees that were at a good 45 deg angle. I wanted them cut down. We had a couple trees that had fallen over. I wanted them cut up and hauled to the street. I had every intention of doing the hauling; I just didn’t want to wield a chainsaw. There is something very scary about the thought of someone like me with a chainsaw. Oh there was lots of arguing about these trees. My Better Half insisted on saving as many as we could. Actually… all of them. Finally he wore me down, as he is apt to do and I walked away with my standard, “Fine. What the f*ck do I know? I’m just your wife.” He then proceeded to contact people to lift the trees.

We paid $150 to lift trees for the small feeder bands from then tropical depression Ivan (before it hit Penacola and got big again, it’s wind breezed through here) and the mighty winds from Hurricane Jeanne to prove me right. I have said nothing. He chopped up the unsalvageable trees yesterday.

This leads me to… what is unsalvageable? Oh there were P.L.E.N.T.Y of trees left for him to want to save after Jeanne. I’m still in my chop it down mode where he’s still in his ‘save the world mode’. I think it has something to do with his profession, this need to save things, or perhaps it’s an emotional issue since when his Mom died unexpectedly 5 years ago, every tree in her yard died within 2 weeks. (No kidding.)

So here is a picture round up of what we saved today and brief marital discussion. Keep in mind, I love to tease him. I’m bopping around the yard behind him in full dork regalia tormenting him as we go. And I also realized those $12 black Walmart rubber boots are a bad idea in Florida. They may be A.O.K. in Ill or WI, but in FL, your feet get hot and they roast in black rubber boots.

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(We’ve lifted this tree during every minor storm, forget about the hurricanes. Damn tree. I hate it. It’s a guava. We should chop it down.)

Better Half: I don’t think this tree will ever fall over again.
Me: Nooo, I don’t think so. I think the stakes very 30 degrees pretty much insured that…

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Why are we saving THIS POS? It DID NOT look like this before two hurricanes. It was full and lush. Now it is sticks with crappy little leaves around the top.

Better Half: It will come back! It will! It’s a guava, it’s hearty, and it’ll live!
Me: I’m not questioning whether or not it will live… it’s a POS!

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Hah! My team won the war. My team consists of me and Hurricane Jeanne. My Better Half had someone prop it after Frances… after an argument with great merit on my side and NONE on his. It’s a complete POS carrot wood tree that will always fall over, closer and closer to our house, and Palm Beach County is making everyone cut them down anyway. If they’re banned in 5 years, why not get rid of it NOW! Bah! I lost the battle, but won the war. Yeah team!

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This is my birthday tree, so named as my husband bought it for me on my birthday 7 years ago when I was depressed our yard had no trees and had as much shade as a desert. This is THE tree that he propped up in between squalls during Frances. The time I was yelling, “I don’t care about the tree!!! Get your ass inside!”

Now this tree has a 70 deg list and he is determined to upright it to its normal 90. I’m not in support of HIS doing it, so I have plunked myself in the grass to grin and watch, camera in hand. (I do love my tree... if anything because he gave it to me). He gets out his SUV and proceeds to rope it to the tree in hopes of pulling it forward. It didn’t work; we need a real truck. However, it was fun to watch.

BH: “You are deriving way too much pleasure from this. I can tell.”
Me: “No. No. Not really. I’m just watching. Really.” As I’m grinning.
Me: “It would suck if your bumper pulled off.”
BH: “Why don’t you get YOUR sons to water that plant I just moved?
Me: “Oh, you mean that POS poisonous flowering bee plant that we should have chopped up?”
BH: “Yeah, that one. And my bumper isn’t coming off.”
Me: “It would suck if that tree were to fall on your Bad Karma Truck.”
BH shoots me a glance of annoyance.

Can cars have Karma, because if they can, his has it. Bad karma. He dropped a hurricane shutter on it, backed into someone (he’s NEVER hit anything before), something left an orange scuff on it in a parking lot and this is all making him nuts because he’s a clean car freak. If a tree was going to pull off a bumper, this is the vehicle it would happen to.

The tree didn’t budge and now we will pay someone with a big truck to move it.

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Oh, and this is the poisonous flowering bee plant. Note how it has NO flowers. It looks like a bunch of sticks. Die plant, Die!


Blogger Tammi said...

OMG - that's hysterical!!

Thank GOODNESS the carrot wood is down now. Awful trees and they are cursed, trust me. It was just waiting until everything had calmed down, then that innocent LOOKING tree would wreck havoc.

I can just see you bopping around behind him, "in all your dorkiness", :)

6:36 AM  
Blogger Stu said...

Hey, I bet a couple of Sago Palms would look great flanking either side of the walkway near the front door.

7:41 AM  
Blogger Boudicca said...

Tammi- Oh I laughed. And he did too. But me more so. And those stupid carrot wood trees. One of my big arguements was, "Sure, it is just LEANING towards the house now, but when it gets big it will FALL ON THE HOUSE!"... our master bedroom to be exact. His arguement was, "It provides shade and privacy from our neighbors". He won that one because of the privacy thing. Now it is gone. Too bad, so sad. Bah!

Stu... Bite Your Tongue! *grin* Hey, I'm glad I won your competition. Don't send me a Sago Palm as a prize, OK?

8:16 AM  
Blogger Sally said...

Privacy from your neighbours? Bou, you live on a golf course! If that's what it's like in Florida, sign me up. Hurricanes and all, I want it ;-)

8:35 AM  
Blogger Boudicca said...

Golf courses are ALL OVER down here. This is S.FL! People play all year round too. (We don't golf.) The bad thing about being so close to a golf course is that there is nothing to buffer the hurricane winds. Our house buffered the winds. I am no longer telling people we have 'minor roof' damage. We just flat out have roof damage.

8:48 AM  
Blogger Harvey said...

If I need a plant to die, I just have Beloved Wife try to take care of it for a while. She's a regular Brown Thumb Betty :-)

9:23 AM  
Blogger Lee Ann said...

Just a little, "for what its worth". My mother had a plant that was given to her by her mother in law. She hated and loathed that thing (similiar to you and the plant of death).

So every other day, she'd give it a drink with a little bleach mixed in. By the end of the week it'd be knocking on deaths door. My father on the other hand would rally it back over the weekend and my mom would have to start all over.

However, given that POD is outside, I think it may not be able to rally quite so well. I think POD is lookin' a little on the thirsty side! ;D

10:49 AM  
Blogger Anita said...

Hah! I knew I must be related to Harvey somehow. It's through marriage.

If you want those trees to die, I'll be happy to stop by next time I'm in Florida. One or two days of care by me, and they are SURE to be dead, dead, dead. I haven't been able to sustain a living plant for more than 24 hours in my life.

It's amazing I have a lawn . . .but I'm sure that's only because I pay someone to take care of it.


ps Your whole post cracked me up . . .I'm going to have to stop reading you, I just laugh too hard.

2:37 PM  
Blogger Sally said...

I didn't know you lived near a golf course. I was just amazed at how much lawn you have. We've got about four square metres out front and that's it. Having all that space for our daughter to scamper about in would be heaven!

We're so densely populated that land costs big. There's a street near here where the houses are going for a million dollars and over, and they're separated by three metres tops :-(

3:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sally, just wait a few months, and there'll be lots of land available in Florida. All those transplants from the NE will migrate back to snow country to avoid the hurricanes. And if you can't wait, I have a nice piece of land in Punta Gorda that has only been hit by one hurricane. */;-)

3:52 PM  

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