Location: Palm Beach County, Florida, United States

Recently have been told I look like Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. I hadn't heard that in years, but that is a good place to start as to what I look like, although she had a better bod. I have three boys and have been married for 13 years. Born of a Navy family, in Hawaii, one Mom, one Dad, one sister and one brother. The eldest of three children. BS in Applied Mathematics. Consider Pensacola my home town although I moved every 2-3 years of my life growing up. Currently work in the aerospace industry in an engineering position while being a Mom. Of Celtic heritage and very proud of it.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

An AHA! Moment

In my comments on yesterdays FHP Post, commenter Peter, mentioned men’s fear of buying the wrong items their wives have sent them out for. Is this some innate fear that all men have? I think it must be and I am feeling better in knowing this.

I am a low maintenance woman. I can hear that resounding, “How low maintenance are you, Bou?” Well, I am so low maintenance that on Friday, I went shopping to my favorite clothing store because they were having a big ass sale, and I bought some sweaters I’ve been in love with, and then put them in my husband’s closet and said, “I bought my birthday gifts. Just make sure you include the boys in wrapping so they can take part."

I am so low maintenance that I am way way OK with the fact he never tells me he loves me. Most women would go ape shit over it. I’ve also learned to accept the fact he doesn’t ever compliment me. I do go nutso on that every now and then, but only when he forces me to go to some company cocktail party/event I don’t want to go to (which is ALL of them) and I’ve gotten all cleaned up FOR him. Then he frickin’ OWES me a compliment, whether I look good or not. He just knows the rules…. you don’t ever compliment means you are NEVER allowed to say anything derogatory. Don’t like the new shorts I bought? Tough shit. Positive feedback when I bought I pair you did like, while I was wearing them, goes a long way. It's very simple.

I’m a kick back, jeans and a t-shirt kinda gal, no shoes, and minimal make up. You treat me nice and are respectful, you will be rewarded 10 fold. I am low low maintenance.

House decorating? I don’t know anything about it. I have no artistic inclination and decorating a house does nothing for me. I don’t see color and shape and how they go together like others are capable of doing. I am so left brained, I walk with a list to the left. My husband is very artistic and he usually picks out most of the colors. The only thing I ask is if he picks out something I have objection to that he listens. Actually, it is a demand, not a request. He has leeway to do whatever he wants, so if I have input, he better frickin’ listen because that means that for once I actually care. Other than that, he can do as he pleases… because I very rarely have input. I am low low maintenance.

We’ve been moving things around since we built on the two new bedrooms for the boys. The antique twin beds in my guest bedroom that have been handed down from generation to generation, have now been split, with each of the younger boys getting one. I decided that I would get a queen size bed in the guestroom and as good luck would have it, our local department store was having a big mattress sale. He loves to shop; I hate it. So while I ran errands with the kids, we agreed what we wanted for a mattress and then I said, “While you’re there, get 100% cotton sheets in cream, plain no pattern. Here’s a pillow case from the twin sheets, just get something that is close to that color.” There is A LOT of color in that room and I’m just trying to get everything to blend. I refuse to spend the money redecorating that room.

Two hours later, he’s not back. I ring him on his cell and he says he is just now leaving.

“Was it really crowded,” I asked?
“No. I hope you like what I got,” he replied.
Me: “Are they cream?”
Him: “Yup”
Me: “Are they 100% cotton?”
Him: “Yes.”
Me: “Are they plain, no pattern?”
Him: “Yes.”
Me: “What is there that I won’t like? You’re making me nervous.”
Him, tentatively: “I don’t know. I just hope you like them.”

I am completely confused now. How easy was this? I sent him a pillow case for color. I was very specific with my parameters, yet he is afraid I will not like them?

He gets home and I have plain cream 100% cotton queen sized sheets, exactly what I asked for.

Him: “Is this OK?:
Me, puzzled: “I so don’t get this. This is exactly what I asked for. What part of this could I not like?”
Him: “Well, it has this little lace thing at the top of the bedsheet and I was afraid you’d hate it.”
Me: “Hunhead (my pet name for him), if I cared about the top of the bedsheet, I would have told you. As long as the sheets are plain, 100% cotton and cream, I don’t care.”

Needless to say, I spent the next week wondering what type of bitch I really am if he was so nervous about frickin’ sheets. Now I know… it is a man thing.


Blogger John of Argghhh! said...

Hah! Pansies. The Armorer just goes out when asked, picks the stuff up, buys it, and brings it home.

Heck, I've even dragged a poor female employee over, tell her, "SWWBO sent me out for this - which of these thingys is that?" Gotten my answer, picked it up, paid, and brought it home.

The man who can't buy his woman EFI's (Embarassing Female Items) isn't worthy of his woman.


Pansies. Candidates for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

As a member of the group, not the subject of their attention!

I laugh at you, and throw mocking insults.

I lift my kilt at you! Kiss my blue-painted heinie!


8:14 AM  
Blogger Harvey said...

I know how hubby feels. It's tough shopping for someone else. If it's not a specific brand-name item, and you have to kinda "wing it" there's always a chance that a detail that's unimportant to you will be important to the person you're shopping for.

It's the not knowing that's awful.

10:42 AM  
Blogger Tammi said...

I'm as confused as you on this one. Heck, you gave all the specifics and even sent the sample. :-) I doubt you're a bitch, he just really wants to make you happy. Yeah, that's it!!!!

12:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always thought that was what cell phones were for, the ability to check BEFORE messing it up!

I buy femenine hygene products for Sally - don't bother me none. If men don't like the idea then they should set up same sex relationships - sorry, but it comes with the territory!

Men - we are wimps sometimes.


1:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First thing - I hate Blogspot - this will be the third time I have posted this and now it is not funny *sob*

So far as men buying things for women goes cell phones are there so you can check, women should accept it as an act of blind faith sending a man there to do it in the first place (Hi hun, I got these and this power tool as well! Cool, huh?) and men should always listen VERY CAREFULLY for the hidden clause (bring me the right thing on pain of testicular death).

So far as feminine hygene products go, well I am sorry I have no sympathy for whimpy men there. I happily go to get these items and many others for Sally because sometimes she cannot GO out, plus I was bought up by my mom and with 2 sisters. Learn to live with it men, it comes with the territory. If you can't then go into a single sex relationship and be content in never having to worry about it again.

Men - we are such whimps sometimes!


2:40 PM  

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