Some Can't See the Laughter Through the Obstruction

I took my kids to the pool in the neighboring neighborhood today.  We go swimming every day for about an hour. I think I really gave birth to fish.  To kind of set the tone, my neighborhood is 1 acre lots and there 25-50% families and the rest are retirees or couples without children. The folks who do not have kids, and there are MANY, are still very kid friendly and always beg my kids to come by their house at Halloween.  They love seeing families on their bikes, kids playing ball in the cul de sacs, and the typical kid stuff.  The neighborhood next door is non-kid friendly wealthy snobby golfing and tennis types who I just don’t think much of.  However, I do pay to use their pool and facilities since we don’t have a pool and I don’t want one for the upkeep or cost, so I just take my kids swimming, I just don’t socialize with those folks. 

I’ve gotten out of the pool and I’m drying off, when I hear a Mom say to another Mom that she lives in my neighborhood.  When she was alone I struck up a conversation with her and we were trying to get bearings on where each of us live. (For those of you who read who are friends outside the blogosphere, you’ll laugh at this. She said, “Oh!  You’re the house with all the Christmas lights!”  Scary when you’re the landmark for every person in the neighborhood.  I am waiting for Palm Beach County to use us for airport guidance during the holidays since we’re in the flight path.  A whole Christmas blog topic I have here.)

She then proceeds to tell me in a whisper that she had lived in this neighborhood first, before moving to ours.  I looked at her with arched eyebrow and said, “Reeeaaally?”  She had her two year old daughter with her.  She said that she and her husband wanted a baby so badly and they tried and tried and could not conceive. So they went the fertility route and finally after much tears and anguish, she found herself with child.  In her excitement, she told her neighbors who said, “I hope to God you don’t intend to put a swing set up. It will obstruct our view of the golf course.”  Hmm. 

Allow myself to be very clear on my thoughts on the whole issue of having children.  That is an extraordinarily personal choice.  I have the utmost respect for couples who have decided not to have children.  I am NOT one of these people who goes around saying, “Oh!  Have children!  They are so wonderful!”  Too many times couples get harassed by family, friends and society that they ‘must’ have children, like it is some obligation.  No they don’t.  Children are not something to put a list of things you’ve done before you die.  Learning a language? Yes.  Having kids?  No.  I also know many couples who just cannot have children, more than I can count, and to those people, my heart aches for them as I know from people dear to me in that situation, that it is a personal hell that I wish upon no one.

That said, about this neighbor of hers…  And I’m about to sound really narrow minded here.  I just don’t see how someone could not want the laughter of a child on a swing set.  That their completely unobstructed view is so important, that you would rather ensure their neighbors don’t get a swing set, rather than enjoy the happiness and goings on of a small child.  It is not as if it was going to be in HIS backyard.  And where does it stop? “I sure as hell hope you aren’t going to get that kid a bike because I might have to obey the speed limits and watch for kids.”  “I sure as hell hope you aren’t going to buy your kid a ball so I don’t hear them playing outside.”  “And I sure as hell hope you don’t ever get a basketball hoop outside, because I don’t want to have to hear the ‘thump thump thumping’ of people playing basketball.” 

So she did what she needed to do. She walked inside, looked her husband square in the eye and said, “It’s time to move.”  They sold their house and moved to my neighborhood and upon the few minutes I spent talking to her, we’re damn glad to have her.