Draino Sounds like a Better Option

I had to go shopping today. No, not Christmas shopping. Yes, I'm a stressed about Christmas shopping because I usually do it in September, but we all frickin' know what I was doing in September, so I'm way behind for Christmas in general. The holidays are supposed to be fun, right? Yeah, I keep telling myself that as I continually take deep breaths to quell the anxiety rising from the depths of my stomach, threatening to close off my throat. It was a damn bad time for me to find a frickin' job...

But, I digress. I am realizing that I do not have clothes for work. It is thankfully casual. I wore a suit or dress and hose and heels every day when I worked at my old job. This job, I show up in jeans and a black blazer with low black heels and the guys are saying, "Wow! You look great!" Heh. That's what happens when there are no other women to be compared to. Anything feminine looks good regardless of what she's wearing.

Anyway, I cannot get away with jeans and t-shirts like I wear at home. I'm a casual person in dress, but not THAT casual. So today while I was at the mall I went clothes shopping for me. Let me state right now... I HATE SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES. HATE IT. Got it? H-A-T-E I-T.

Shopping for clothes for me means I am going to take clothes into the dressing room that were probably my size before, but now that I've gained 5-10 since the hurricanes, are NO LONGER my size. That makes them tight. That fills me full of self loathing. Even if I'm not carrying an extra 5-10, nothing every really fits that great. I'm short, so unless it has the stupid 'P' for Petite, I look like a little girl trying to wear big girl clothes.

But that's not why I really hate clothes shopping for me. I really hate it because it forces me to stand in a very small brightly lit room with mirrors on all three sides of me... and that in turn forces me to look at my 'almost 40 years, bore three children, everything is starting to sag body' from all three angles. Angles I have no business seeing. I really did not NEED to see what my ass really looks like. I could have REALLY forgone what seeing two profiles of my abs. Yeah. No thanks. I had a pretty good idea how bad it was... but seeing it in that bright light with plate glass sized mirrors is truly more than I can stand.

Next time, I think drinking a big cupful of Drain-O, burning my throat and esophagus, and dying a painful horrible death may be a better option than what I did to myself today. No thanks. I declare my shopping days officially over.