Don't Get Your Lingerie Advice from a Stick Person
They did an article in my local paper about Lingerie. They interviewed these models (modeling for VS no less) about what the trick is to look good in Lingerie.
Tip here people, what makes a 6 foot 100 lb gorgeous woman look good in lingerie just 'ain’t gonna be' what makes ME look good in lingerie.
One of them said it had to be a matchy set. Don’t put lavender panties with a pink bra. Hmm. Honestly, as a mother of three and wife of one, my goal is just to find stuff that is clean… forget that matchy stuff.
Yet another one said heels… you gotta wear heels? Pulease. Give me a frickin’ break. I am not going to walk around my house in lingerie and heels. I’m a 39 year old woman. I frickin’ hate heels, obviously invented by a man who never had to wear them. Just the thought of having to put on heels makes my feet hurt. And trust me, high heels are not always so graceful. Oh yeah, I can see it now, there’s nothing quite so sexy as a woman in lingerie slipping on the tile while wearing heels because some kid spilled a cup of juice on the tile. Lovely. What a dorky idea. I can see heels if you’re putting on special lingerie for that special night… but let’s face it, the lingerie on those nights stays on the body for exactly 5 seconds as would the heels. Moral of the story there, don’t go out spending 50 bucks on a pair of shoes to go with your matchy lingerie as the 5 second wear time 'ain’t worth it'.
Look, for a woman like me, a woman who has put a whole lotta miles on her body, there are only two things that are going to make lingerie look good:
1) A very talented surgeon with a very sharp knife, although there has been some debate as to how sharp the knife has to be. I was talking to one of my husband’s employees who had breast augmentation and I was saying, ‘well, I’d not have that done. I’d have a tummy tuck. What I need is a very talented surgeon with a very sharpe knife” to which she replied, “The knife doesn’t really have to be that sharp”… Yes, she still works for him. And I actually like her. Wicked funny sense of humor.
I digress.
2) And... the last thing that makes lingerie look good on a woman like me is…clothes. As in clothes to wear over it.
posted by Bou | 9:12 PM
6 Comments:
Boudicca, you are hysterical. not hysterical crazy, hysterical funny.
Bloglines tells me you've posted 86 times since last i read your feed (i've caught random posts here and there in my spare time), and i intend to read every single one of them. i heart your blog!
sarahk
You keep your lingerie on for 5 seconds?
I must say, I'm a little disappointed in Mr. Bou ;-)
The lingerie comes off but you keep the high heels on! So therefore the heels are what are truly important. Have you learned nothing from porn?
-M
Ummm... -M, lest we forget who we're talking about here???
My big lingerie gripe is that they don't make it for pregnant women. Here you are, pregnant, curvy, sexy as hell, don't look good in a bra and panties. This is your big chance to go at it like rabbits since you no longer have to worry about protection, and you haven't a single silky thing to wear over your stretch-marked belly so that you don't have to look at it. I tried to find some maternity lingerie, but all I could find was one disgusting baby-doll and a bunch of cotton grandma nightgowns.
You forgot the part about it taking 20 minutes to put it on properly and arrange for maximum effect without help before it stays on for just 5 seconds.... There are so many little straps and corset-y parts...... Hilarious. I linked it on my page :)
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