Location: Palm Beach County, Florida, United States

Recently have been told I look like Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. I hadn't heard that in years, but that is a good place to start as to what I look like, although she had a better bod. I have three boys and have been married for 13 years. Born of a Navy family, in Hawaii, one Mom, one Dad, one sister and one brother. The eldest of three children. BS in Applied Mathematics. Consider Pensacola my home town although I moved every 2-3 years of my life growing up. Currently work in the aerospace industry in an engineering position while being a Mom. Of Celtic heritage and very proud of it.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Coming Out From Under the Rock

Where have I been, folks, oh, where have I been? I believe the answer is ‘I’ve been living under some dang rock.’ Incredible the things I learn. And I pride myself in being oh so observant and really understanding what is going on around me… How could I be so wrong?

I was over at Anita’s… again… and found THIS. She cracks me up. So she is talking about Tupperware parties and all the other home parties and how she hates going. But in her list, I caught the word “s.e.x toy party”. Whaaa??? So I asked in her comment section if it was in fact real, that they have s.e.x. toy parties and their answer was… YES! Hello? Oh.My.God. I am 39 years old and I had never heard of such a thing. I thought someone was pulling my leg.

But is true. I found this site HERE. Holy crap, Lion tours! (It’s an article people, no worries about work safe sites. It is safe. You know me... I'd be putting up all sorts of disclaimers.)

I’m sorry. I could not attend one. No. Not me. Trust me, I am no prude, but in public, no thank you. I could not sit in a room full of people, let alone people I don’t frickin’ KNOW, holding these toys in my hands or go into a bathroom and try out various gels, like I would want people thinking I was having the Big O in their restroom. Oh no no no no. I’m sorry. I just.could.not.

In the article it states that this was perfect for women who would never walk in ‘those stores’. Yeah? Really? Guess, what? I see no difference. If I’m going to go to some show where some woman is going to tell me what I need to do to my extracurricular life, then I might as well walk in the store. It’s the same thing in my mind. YOU’RE STILL BEING PUBLIC WITH IT! Geez.

I’m just picturing too many things in my head. Like some woman saying, “Excuse me? But do you have this in a larger size?” or my Mom asking me what my plans were for the weekend and my replying, “Oh, I’m going to a s.e.x. toy party”. Or groups of women getting too graphic about what their men want or like… stuff I don’t want to know about them. It blows my mind. No pun intended.

I must confess, however, if I were to attend one of these with my sister, we would get kicked out. I’ll say ANYTHING about ANYTHING to my sister. And I can picture us getting so raunchy and my laughing so hard that we would be asked to leave. I have this laugh that can be uncontrollable. My Mom says it’s like shaking up a coke can then opening it. Once it starts, you can’t make it stop. I can get to laughing so hard I’m crying and hyperventilating. I can’t speak. And nobody on this Earth can make me laugh that hard as much as my sister. And I can see us at one of those and it would be a very very bad thing for everyone else involved.

But that is not to be. I will have to pass on this type party. Tsk Tsk. It’s just stepping way way too far out of my sphere of comfort. Knowing my friends, however, I seriously doubt I need worry about being invited to one.

Update: I was wrong. I have one friend that would have one. *ahem* She knows who she is. DO NOT INVITE ME!


Blogger VW said...

Just because I got dragged to one by DH because her husband's boss's wife had a party, does NOT mean I would hold one. Trust me, she gave me a LONG winded explanation of why she had to attend and did not want to attend alone. Since she has the same kind of humor as I do about these things (and you), I went. The stuff we laughed about on the way home... oh it was certainly funny.

Though, now that you mention it... having you, DH and your sister (if she was in town) at a party like that would be fun. The raunchy humor would make it worth it. I doubt we would buy anything unless it was for a gag gift. I did not buy one item at that party. But I can still close my eyes and picture stuff that happened there. Too funny.

8:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha! LOL! I was wondering if you would catch that. heh heh heh!

Actually, as I was writing that I thought that you and I would get kicked out too.

8:32 PM  
Blogger Boudicca said...

Damn. That was me. Anonymous was on.

8:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

heheh I know of them, but I imagine you'd have to be pretty open about your sexuality to actually attend one.

If you don't want to go into a store though, just order over the 'net. It's not like there's a shortage of online stores that sell sex toys...


9:58 PM  
Blogger Anathematized1 said...

Saw something about the purchasing of such "massage devices" that struck me as weird the other day while at work. Some girls were mentioning you could purchase a "bob" at One girl had it/them delivered to work and told her co-workers it was vitamins.

I couldn't imagine going to a party like that and making a purchase. I've known about the parties for ages though. They advertise them on the radio here and this is a pretty religious town. Got any room under that rock?

12:01 AM  
Blogger Anathematized1 said...

OMG...I just checked out 4 pages of their toys. I'm not a prude, but I think I'd faint if I saw a selection like that at Walgreens or Osco ROFL.

12:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The minute somebody invents one of those buzzy thingies that can change a tire, check the oil and take out the trash I'm a dead man. She'll kill me for the insurance.

1:26 AM  
Blogger Sally said...

Ann Summers Parties have been popular for years. They even have an outlet in our local mall now. It's a bit disturbing seeing little teenagers going in to peruse the items on display...

They make most of their money from the lingerie collection, which ranges from cute, to damn kinky!

You'd be great at a party. They're meant to be racuous, cackling girly evenings, but people have become so used to them, the hosts now resort to party games, like passing a vibrator from person to person without using hands. And don't faint, men. Clothes *are* worn!

I think they got popular because women could say to their husbands: You ARE babysitting while I go out and have a laugh with the girls. It's an Ann Summers." And hubby replies, "Sure, Honey! Spend whatever you want, now!"

I was at one, and this woman was looking at handcuffs saying, "Are you kidding? My Bill would put these on me and slope off to the pub for the rest of the evening!"

4:01 AM  
Blogger Harvey said...

Don't wanna say much, 'cuz I think Sally said it all. It's pretty much a girly night. Sorta like a sleepover or a bachelorette party atmosphere.

7:19 AM  
Blogger Contagion said...

Hell, I was hoping my wife would host one of these. That was I could set up a hidden camera just to see what women actually said/did during one. Plus I want to see the pass the vibrator w/out hands thing

7:52 AM  
Blogger Quality Weenie said...

1 - The radio show I listen to in the morning had girls on that have had parties like this and they basically said it turns into girl orgies with girls trying out different things on each other.

2 - Catalogs, eeh gads, we get one. I ordered some nude playing cards for bowling and must have a life long subscription now to the catalog. It comes wrapped in plastic with the words "Love Lane Catalog", I'm embarassed as to what the mail lady thinks of us. But the stuff in the catalog, geez some of that stuff must hurt. Pointy things on sex toys can not be good.

7:59 AM  
Blogger Sally said...

Girl orgies? Seriously? We were passing the vibrator in the crook of our necks and under our arms. I thought it was a laugh at the time. *Now* I know why we weren't asked to another party at that house ;-)

My worst experience was when the host got drunk and wanted to go upstairs and change into this skimpy thing that was about eight sizes too small for her. We tried to stop her, saying we really didn't *need* to see such a thing. Luckily for us, she tore the item. Unluckily for her, she had to pay for it.

We were encouraged to try the devices out on our noses. If it made your cheeks tingle it was meant to be good. If it made you sneeze, you just *had* to buy it!

It was a while ago, so I just had to phone my sister at work to ask her to remind me about that. I wish I could have seen her face. Blogging is fun!

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL! I can just picture Bou and Co. at one of these. BTW, forget those things, for the best toys, check out Toys in Babeland in Seattle and, yes, they are on the WWW...

9:30 AM  
Blogger Graumagus said...

I'd think these parties would be more embarrassing that going to an adult toy store.
At the store, you're an anonymous customer, at a party there's people who know you.
BTW, Contagion, I want a copy of that videotape :)
(hell, I'll load ya my camcorder...)

12:40 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

You can get arrested for it in a town close to me.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At Pampered Chef parties I feel compelled to tell the other guests my favorite items. The hostess usually loves me because I gush all over certain products. That being said, not sure I could be so outspoken about sex toys. However, I would love to attend one of these with Bou because of the sheer embarassment she would feel. Bou gets wide eyed, flush and initially very quiet...then the nervous laughter sets in. If you all could only hear it. I nearly pee in my pants when she gets like this. Bou- just let me know when you're invited...I'm on my way.

7:15 PM  
Blogger Boudicca said...

Boy, I would hate for my name to be Ann Summers! Geez.

Amy- I heard about it being illegal in TX. Cracked me up.

And I'll stay away from girl orgies Thank.You.Very.Much. I am all heterosexual. Any party like that... I think I'll just take a pass!

8:11 PM  

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