Coming Out From Under the Rock

Where have I been, folks, oh, where have I been? I believe the answer is ‘I’ve been living under some dang rock.’ Incredible the things I learn. And I pride myself in being oh so observant and really understanding what is going on around me… How could I be so wrong?

I was over at Anita’s… again… and found THIS. She cracks me up. So she is talking about Tupperware parties and all the other home parties and how she hates going. But in her list, I caught the word “s.e.x toy party”. Whaaa??? So I asked in her comment section if it was in fact real, that they have s.e.x. toy parties and their answer was… YES! Hello? Oh.My.God. I am 39 years old and I had never heard of such a thing. I thought someone was pulling my leg.

But is true. I found this site HERE. Holy crap, Lion tours! (It’s an article people, no worries about work safe sites. It is safe. You know me... I'd be putting up all sorts of disclaimers.)

I’m sorry. I could not attend one. No. Not me. Trust me, I am no prude, but in public, no thank you. I could not sit in a room full of people, let alone people I don’t frickin’ KNOW, holding these toys in my hands or go into a bathroom and try out various gels, like I would want people thinking I was having the Big O in their restroom. Oh no no no no. I’m sorry. I just.could.not.

In the article it states that this was perfect for women who would never walk in ‘those stores’. Yeah? Really? Guess, what? I see no difference. If I’m going to go to some show where some woman is going to tell me what I need to do to my extracurricular life, then I might as well walk in the store. It’s the same thing in my mind. YOU’RE STILL BEING PUBLIC WITH IT! Geez.

I’m just picturing too many things in my head. Like some woman saying, “Excuse me? But do you have this in a larger size?” or my Mom asking me what my plans were for the weekend and my replying, “Oh, I’m going to a s.e.x. toy party”. Or groups of women getting too graphic about what their men want or like… stuff I don’t want to know about them. It blows my mind. No pun intended.

I must confess, however, if I were to attend one of these with my sister, we would get kicked out. I’ll say ANYTHING about ANYTHING to my sister. And I can picture us getting so raunchy and my laughing so hard that we would be asked to leave. I have this laugh that can be uncontrollable. My Mom says it’s like shaking up a coke can then opening it. Once it starts, you can’t make it stop. I can get to laughing so hard I’m crying and hyperventilating. I can’t speak. And nobody on this Earth can make me laugh that hard as much as my sister. And I can see us at one of those and it would be a very very bad thing for everyone else involved.

But that is not to be. I will have to pass on this type party. Tsk Tsk. It’s just stepping way way too far out of my sphere of comfort. No.thank.you. Knowing my friends, however, I seriously doubt I need worry about being invited to one.

Update: I was wrong. I have one friend that would have one. *ahem* She knows who she is. DO NOT INVITE ME!