Guard Cats and Women With No Self Respect

So here I am in Atlanta. My sister has a cat. I don't have any pets. I have three boys. That's enough. I think it's kind of like having pets. Loud and stinky pets... Her cat's name is ESPY; evidently my sister loves sports. Sleeping arrangments have my three boys in the guestroom and I'm sleeping with my sister in her bed. Her cat insists on sleeping right in the middle, then she sits there all night, standing guard, leering over me like a vulture. And how do I know this goes on all night? Because I don't sleep well and every daggum time I turn over, look at the clock to calculate how many more hours I have to try to sleep, or just wake up to stare at the ceiling, there is this cat, staring at me. Last time I came, it scared me to death. It's pitch black except for these green eyes. Now I know she's there, but she's like a Sphinx, sitting there guarding my sister's side of the bed. It cracks me up. But it is creepy!

BTW, as I'm sitting here blogging, my sister is flipping through the channels and she found that awful show, "Who Wants To Marry My Dad". Oh my God. Could they have found any worse pablum? All these chicks, who obviously have not one ounce of self respect, are in wedding dresses, being eliminated. Now, I feel very blessed that I found my soul mate and that I found him so early in my life, but I promise you, if I had not, I think way too much of myself to ever have considered subjecting myself to anything like these reality TV series to find a mate. Wow. (Shaking my head.)