Trying NOT to Embrace my Dominant Side

Honestly, I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. Beat, I tell ya, beat to hell. This job/Christmas/parenting gig thing I got goin' is gonna see me to my grave. But it's not enough to keep me from posting... almost, but not quite.

OK, so I think my new saying is, "... Next time, I think I'd rather drink a cup of Drain-O, less painful, I'm sure." I heard myself say it today to my co-worker K. He's the cutie who was one of my best buddies when I worked for pay and he got me this job.

K. is ahead of the monetary end of our project. He's got the manhours down, he's got the goals laid out, he knows the money situation. We have some big serious deadlines coming up and being the task oriented and punctual person I am, I'm working like hell to earn my keep. But today... today I got stuck on a task that I could not get far enough back into the recesses of my memory to figure out the answer.

After about 30 minutes of research and racking my brain, one which has significanly fewer functioning brain cells since I had children, mind you, I realize, I am going to have to ask for help and given my buddy K. is fighting a bad cold, I decide to ask... THE ONLY Alpha male I work with... he was the highest probability of really knowing the answer.

What was I thinking?

Did I post that I work for NOT ONE Alpha male? Not one. It kinda makes me nuts, but not in a bad way. Here I am this dominant female and I spend my 10-15 hours trying to reel it in... I DON'T WANT to be the Alpha Female in this group. I'm over that crap. I'm tired of running the show. I just want to go with the flow. But damn, instinct is hard, folks, it hard to fight. And I love working with these guys, I really do, but not one of the guys running it all is the aggressive sort.

So with paper and pen, I go see Alpha Male (btw, the only AM of about 20 guys I work with, go figure). My issue with AM is that he is very hard headed and set in his ways. If he's going to show you something, he must start at the beginning and work through the entire process and all the details. Every time. It doesn't matter if you're stuck on step 5 and there are only 6 steps, he MUST start at step 1. Period. He can't start in the middle.

I dread it. He's a great guy, but man, it frickin' makes me nuts. Something that really should have only taken 10 minutes, took... TWO HOURS and I DON'T HAVE TWO HOURS! Geezoweez, I only work 10! I needed my answer and no matter how much I tried to redirect, no matter how many times I said, "Ger, I really really only need this...", Boom, we'd be off somewhere else. It was frickin' exhausting.

Next thing I know, we're pulling blueprints on a frickin' pin. I told him I'd go pick up the prints knowing I could stop by K.'s cube. Prints in hand I walked over and just stood there, blank faced, staring him down. He started to laugh and reading my mind he said, "I am so sorry. If I weren't so sick I'd go over it with you."

And I replied, "Next time, I'd rather drink a cup of Drain-O... less painful... I'm sure."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, in case you're wondering, I learned/remembered a lot with him. I'm just sitting here reflecting upon my day wondering if the pay off of having to sit through 2 hours was worth it. Jury's still out. It would have been a helluva lot easier if he smelled really really nice. Luckily, he looks kinda good in his jeans. Heh.