The Big Day

Tomorrow is the first day of work. Wow. I'm finishing out some paperwork tonight, packing my lunch, and then trying to figure out what I'm going to wear.

I know, you men are thinking, "Typical woman, worrying about what she's going to wear", but it's not like that! I am a woman who wore one black shoe and one blue shoe to work and never noticed until lunchtime. Luckily I work with engineers who didn't notice either.... Phew. But tomorrow it's a big deal... because... I'M GETTING MY PICTURE TAKEN FOR MY BADGE! Argh! This picture has to last with me for as long as I'm employed there and I don't want it to look like a mug shot nor do I want to look like a total dork.... nor do I want to look like death warmed over. So I'm a little worried about what I'm wearing.

I got a call on Friday from my girlfriend who submitted my name. She was so excited. She was carrying on about how fun this is going to be. I was saying it was deja vu as she'll be training me as she trained me in February 1988 when I started my first job. She told me they gave me this sh1t hot computer, better than hers... Hmm.

So then I got a call from my buddy who hired me. K. and I carpooled and hung out all the time when we were both young engineers. He came to my wedding. My husband and I traveled to Chicago for his. (My only trip to Chicago and I was impressed with the cleanliness of that city.) And when I answer the phone, he is giddy and I start to laugh. He says, "Can you frickin' believe it! Its going to be like it was! You and me! I am so excited. We're going to get so much accomplished... and we got your computer set up and they're setting up your phone..." and he went on and on. I could not quit laughing at him. Finally I said, "K., I hear my computer is top of the line, nicer than yours" and he replied that it was. I was quiet and finally said, "You should switch them out. I am only part time. You take the good one. I have no ego in this job anymore. You're full time, I'll take the low end computer." And... he said... no.

It sounds silly to you, I'm sure, reading this. I was laid off 4 years ago when they closed our plant and I went through a very dark time. I felt worthless, unappreciated, as if all I had done mattered for naught. The hours, the sweat, the fighting for what was right, all of it... seemed completely worthless and therefore, I must've been too.

And now, here it is 4 years later, and my friends are calling me back and it is in a sense, a small bit of validation that I did make some small impact... enough that someone somewhere would want me back. But it is different now. I will give my friend 200% as I did before... for the hours that I am there. But no longer will my ego, no longer will ME be wrapped up in my job. I've been there, done that, and I got burned.

I am excited for tomorrow. It is like the first day of school. Sleeping will be tough. I'll be going over all of it in my head. My stomach has butterflies.

And a BIG thank you to all of those who have e-mailed, commented, and even put a sentence or two in your blogs referencing your happiness and positive thoughts my way. None of it has been unnoticed and I am grateful.