The Rabbit is Alive and Well

I’m in an odd mood tonight, so you get odd posts. Two of them, to be exact. Unless of course I keep writing, more junk creeps into the seams of my brain, then you’ll get more, but as of now… two posts.

I was returning from dinner with my husband and boys tonight, having done ‘family dinner’ at his brother’s house. We just found out she (wife) is pregnant with their 2nd child… everyone thinks they are having another girl; I think a boy. ‘Twill be interesting to see who is correct, hey, it’s a 50/50 shot, and I’m not so good at predicting sex, as in birth or actually whether or not I’m going to score it. Heh. Seriously, I once predicted the date, time off by one hour, and weight off by ¼ lb, of a friend of mine, but missed the sex. I suck at that.

Anyway, so we’re in the car driving home when my husband says, “I had a dream last night you got pregnant.”

Now let me explain some things here before I tell you my deadpanned response to him. I have been blessed, truly blessed, with enormous fertility. Of my three children, one was planned. The others… well, one was an accident meaning, we weren’t preventing it, which also means we were stupid, but it was not the time of the month it should happen, and the 3rd son, we were preventing it and I call that a ‘birth control failure’. You know those… they are the unseen stats… when it says a condom without spermicide is 75% effective, that means the unseen stat is 25%, in what should be clearly marked in a special column under what we call in the engineering world as “failure rates”. I wanted to name my 3rd son Trojan, but my husband did not think it funny.

So that is our blessing, we are capable of having children at any time, any age, any where, you name it. We pass in the hall and I get pregnant, or so it seemed for awhile. I cannot take the pill or any of those other hormone type control methods as they whack me out. A normally steady state kinda girl, no waves of extreme moodiness (I’m always a crank), I don’t get all whacked out PMSy, but additional 'fake' hormones to my body throw me into a depression. I have teetered on the edge of that precipice often enough, I don’t need a little push into the dark abyss. So to prevent this vessel from once again becoming with child, my husband took the manly road and had it surgically and permanently taken care of.

I am a good mother. Not a great mother. I have to work at being a good mother. It is not natural or easy for me. I have to work damn hard at it. Although I am full of affection and great love, I am impatient and large quantities of small children scare me. I did not become a teacher for a reason. I’m just.not.good.with.children., or at least, rather, not more than 2 or 3. That said, it would be a very bad thing for us to have too many children. I know it, my husband knows it, all who know me know it. I am thankful I have been born into the era I have been because there is no way I could have survived in the early days with all those damn kids running around. The horrors of it all.

So now flash forward to tonight and my husband says to me, “I had a dream last night you were pregnant” and I looked up from my book and deadpanned, “And did I die shortly thereafter of a self inflicted gun shot wound?”

Last year, my father in law was in a rehab center for hip replacement. I walked in one day to visit and he said, “I had the weirdest dream about you! I dreamt last night that you were pregnant and it wasn’t my son’s! And you were happy about it and excited and he seemed Ok with it.” I looked at him in horror and said, “Pop, you know I’m not cheating on your son, and you know I would not be happy if I were pregnant” and he replied, “I know! I know! That’s what made the whole thing so weird!”

So now father and son have had these weird dreams about me being pregnant and I am not happy. Not one bit. Let me state first off, I am not nor will I ever have an affair. Morality aside, who the hell wants to complicate their lives that much? I have enough men in my life, thank.you.very.much. Geez. Second, I really really don’t want any more children. Children are wonderful, but they will suck your soul dry.

They really need to quit this dreaming crap. It’s starting to spook me. The only thing I know I’ve got going in my favor is that clairvoyance does NOT run in their family. Phew.